Longing for nothing

Ever get the feeling that theres always something else going on out there?Something that you are missing out on? Sometimes it feels like every place except for the location where you are has something exciting going on with fun adventureous things to do and great people. Feelings of "get me out of here" raged but no matter where you go those feelings seem to follow you. Where you are and what you are doing never seems good enough. Those moments do not last long, they pass and eventually you begin to feel foolish for ever wanting to be somewhere else. We are socialized to romanticize, fantasize, and hope for a renewed life. Who really has the power to constitute our current lifestyles as inadequate? Maybe exactly what we have is good enough but we do not see it because of all these false perceptions that impact how we internalize our reality. Perhaps the love, lust, success, and scenery surrounding us is more than a dream. People should be encouraged to appreciate what they have, take in where they are, and be happy with who they are surrounded by regardless of a conflict in interest with people. No one should long for a life that can never be theirs. When you're a single person, it seems like everyone around you is coupled, and you begin to feel that you are inadequate as a person because singleness is genearlly associated with loneliness. You feel compelled to be in a relationship. You admire the love and affection displayed by couples within in sight. However, we barely ever see the heartache, distance, and confrontations in the private sphere that could potentially harm the life of each individual in the relationship.Some people in a relationship often wonder if there is something else out there that they should be doing, they may have a fantasy about freedom and a life without being tied to someone or something. You spend a large portion of your life within the education system only so you can come out with the best possible knowledge to contribute to the enconomy through your job. Students anticipate completing school forever and cannot wait to have a routine life with a steady pay. People working want to go back to the careless student life. The young want to grow older for rights of passage and the old want to go back to being young again for the energy. Why cant we just be happy where we are? Live life to the fullest with the resources you have. Stop wasting energy longing for something you may not need or even truely want.

Hate when people leave.

Waking up on the verge of tears is never a good feeling. Sometimes I wonder why i'm always at war with myself constantly struggling to rid this emptiness. Anticipating a good birthday were the only intentions i have had. It has been a good birthday, my family could not have been more warm than they were today wishing me the best.Ttaking the time to enjoy the beautiful weather makes me think there is nothing more I could ask for. Completing undergrad and soon beginning a new direction with a grad program, beautiful weather upon us, and with a busy summer with many festitivities planned with friends and family I should be overwhelmed with joy right now, and everyday I am but today I am not. I don't get it. Instead I wake up with this emptiness, i can't find what is triggering these supressed feelings. Just like Elizabeth Gilbert in the bathroom sobbing endlessly. Theres this voice inside of me telling me to stop the tears and the hurt feelings conquering my heart but today I can't. Simple things like putting on make-up was a struggle as it just became flawed from the tears that I tried to so hard to pull back. I took the time to get out in the sun and enjoy the weather I have been longing for, once I did and realized how ridiculous this rollercoaster of emotions is I finally felt at ease. This war that i am at with myself has to do with the overwhelming fear of being alone. Im reminded of that time when i was thirteen and everyone that was so dear to me just got up and left, their lives took at turn for the worst with no turning back. Yet I look back and see how things got better for me personally. Why do I feel like I am going to loose everything I have accomplished? Over the past decade i dealt very well with drastic changes because negative persons and attitudes in my enviroment were elevated. Now at 23 I should feel a sense of self and instead im starting to feel a sense of loss. This time not so much over dramatic chaos but more because of new stages in life where I feel people are leaving me behind. I hate the feeling of emptiness, it doesnt have to be about birthdays and celebrating a birthday it has to do with the loss of unity that I have been starting to feel lately as time progress. I just hate when people leave.whats the point of making a mark on someone's life and then slowly stepping out of it as if it? it doesnt have to be this way. I just dont want people to leave, there is no fear in losing youthfulness, instead there is fear of losing agency. I feel like im planted in one spot and everyone else around me is excellerating forward. Simple things dont happen anymore, no messages after a while of silence, no birthday calls, cards or wishes after a long distance the way there used to be, no more stopping by. If growing older and growing up means growing apart then birthdays just arent going to be as happy as they used to be. It feels good to let out a hard cry, but I wish today did not have to be that day. Forever is more than just words to me.